What you wanna do, now, what's it gonna be?
Wanna be a loser, wanna be just like me?

i know it's been forever since i've updated but much has gone on. thought i'd share some pics from the comedians of comedy tour when they stopped in cleveland...

hopefully i'll be posting more often as work does not allow me to use livejournal.

not like you cared, anyway. :)

oh yeah, the bottom is me at my worst looking.

i have an idea...

let's all bastardize polotics.

seems to be the thing to do.

one day i'll just fade away and blend into nothingness. just like the meeting on the horizon.

a note of sheer injustice.

i havent been myself lately. and today was the first time i actually realized it. it has opened doors i have never seen behind before.

i realize how incredibly tragic it is here for myself and my friends. i often think of myself too often, and when i think of my friends i become depressed. two of my friends have it horrible, one of my friends cant stand himself or the place he lives in. why must we suffer everyday knowing that we work our jobs to keep such a worthless life kicking.

one of my friends told me today she just got out of the hospital for reasons which hit too close to home.

i feel so shitty as to know how horrible of a friend i am. i can't believe people actually stand to befriend me and my stupid ideals, my slow-minded nonsense.

i talked with my parents for over an hour about a vacation they took me on when i was young. i could recall most of it. that's when i realized that my life is wasted. i remembered my stepfather telling me to look at the mountians as they were beautiful and i would only appreciate them when i realized that i lost out. i didn't lose out. i looked. but i didn't take it for what it was. now i do.

i know that the mountians are just a representation that we are not humans, not individual, not meaningful, nothing. we are product of an earth we continually destroy in the name of economics and god. it's disgusting. and yet, our earth sits and revolves and waits for the day to end.

i wish the day would end. all sins purged. future sins forgotten.

i want to be a better person and i have no idea how.

fuck, what a life.

He wasn't lookin' for fanfare or fame but it all came around just the same. He then met a girl with desire in her eye, he gave her love, she took his name.

The times they were good, the times they were bad, most times it was just in between. The hard pill he swallowed was the times that they had, she put on display for all to be seen.

Some find their solace in work or the lord, she was quite content in her dream. When his eyes they burned from the bright lime light, he found comfort in the bottle of Ol' Jimmy Beam.

One day from the depths of his deep darkened hole, he reached out for something to feel. She offered back nothin' but lack of respect so he left himself out with two barrels of steel.

She cried in the day, she cried in the night. She cried loudest when someone was near. Whether crying for him or she cried for herself, the bigger the camera, the bigger the tear.

Most folks agree that she was living a hell and publicly she showed her pain. And never once was there a thought for herself, and the ever-growing slices of fortune and fame.

Now on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride. On the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride, on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride high.

This is an incredibly good love test. I answered without looking and it hits dead on. I find myself easily getting into relationships with whom i'm attracted to and have a hard time falling out. I listed my answers with these.

---

A love test
Answer Honestly!!!! Do NOT read ahead!!!! It will ruin it!!!!

1. You are walking to your boy/girlfriend's house. There are two roads to get there. One is a straight path to take you there quickly, but is very plain and boring. The other is significantly longer but is full of wonderful sights and interesting things. Which one do you take to get your significant other's house, short or long?

the short way - I chose this really because if I were going to my girlfriends house I would waste no time getting there. :D

2. On the way you see 2 rose bushes. One is full of red roses, the other full of white. You decide to pick 20 roses for your boy/girlfriend, of any color combination. What number of white and red do you pick? (you can pick all of one or any combo of the two).

50/50 - Because it would be a shame to have two kinds of flowers, equally pretty, but yet not split them up equally to present.

3. You finally get to their house. A family member answers the door. You can have them get your boy/girlfriend or go get them yourself. Which do you do?

Have the family member - Isn't it rude to go and find someone in their own house? Even when they live with family?

4. You go up to you boy/girlfriend's room, but nobody is there. You decide to leave the roses. Do you leave them by the windowsill or on the bed?

Window - I would find flowers on a window better because on a bed all I could think about is the want of sex. *shrug*

5. Later, it's time for bed. You and your boy/girlfriend go to sleep in separate rooms. In the morning when its time to wake up you go in their room and check on them. When you arrive, are they awake or asleep?

Asleep - Dunno why I chose this one. I guess because if you were going to spy on them in their room it'd be bad if they caught you, no?

6. Now it's time to go back home. Do you take the short, plain road or the longer, more interesting road?

Long way - Hey, it's the way home. You're not anxious to see her because you just left. So why not enjoy the scenery and think back to the great fun you just had?


NOW THE ANSWERS

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. If you take the short road, you fall in love quickly and easily. If you take the long road, you take your time and do not fall in love as easily.

I have noticed that I take to certian people alot harder than I will with others. I called it being choosy but I can see what this is saying. When you DO like them, you fall for them HARD. At least I do.

2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. For example, if you chose 18 red and 2 white, you give 90% and expect 10% in return.

This was dead on, too. Because whatever I put into a relationship is what I would expect back.

3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. If you asked the family member to get you significant other, then you like to avoid problems and hope that they will solve themselves. If you went to get them yourself, then you are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.

Another good one. I'm rather non-confrontational and am usually afraid to upset someone in a relationship. Sure, it's yellow to do but I'm one of those people who would care too much to screw it up.

4. The placement of roses determines how much you like to see your boy/girlfriend. Placing them on the bed means you like to see them a lot, while placing them on the windowsill means that you are alright with not seeing them as much.

I thought placing them on the bed would put the thought of sex in the air. Which love isn't all about sex. (Although, some would definately beg to differ.) However, the majority of relationships I have had were shitty and the people whom I liked so well had personalities I found grating after a bit. I'm not sure if this test is so accurate as that, but perhaps this could be a bias I have after all that has happened? Maybe. Probably not.

5. This is representative of your attitude towards their personality. If you find them asleep, you love your boy/girlfriend the way they are. If you find them awake, you expect them to change for you.

Even though I found the question odd, I chose which I would perfer. It is peaceful to watch someone sleep. (Depending on who you are, quite weird as well.) I would never want anyone to change for me, so this hit dead on as well. If I liked them well enough to be with them I would have already accepted who they are.

6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. If you chose the short road, you fall out of love easily. If you chose the longer one, you will tend to stay in love for a long time.

Hey, this is true. I put more commitment into my relationships than was ever returned. I've usually been in it for the long haul because the ones I choose are usually the ones I really want. (Which is probably why I am depressed over my love life sometimes.) But hey, you just can't date anyone, especially anyone who's just available.


Hey, I found that quiz interesting. Thought I would just share it.

I hope you enjoy it.


( X ) Smoked a cigarette
( ) Crashed a friends car
( X ) Stolen a car
( X ) Been in love
( X ) Been dumped
( X ) Been fired
( X ) Been in a fist fight
( X ) Snuck out of your parent's house
( X ) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( X ) Been arrested
( ) Gone on a blind date
( X ) Lied to a friend
( X ) Skipped school
( X ) Seen someone die
( X ) Had a crush on one of your internet friends
( X ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been on a plane
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
( X ) Eaten sushi
( ) Been jet-skiing
( X ) Met someone in person from the internet
( X ) Been mashing at a concert
( X ) Taken pain killers
( ) Love someone or miss someone right now -- NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO! :D
( X ) Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( X ) Made a snow angel
( ) Had a tea party
( X ) Flown a kite
( X ) Built a sand castle
( X ) Gone puddle jumping
( ) Played dress up
( X ) Jumped in a pile of leaves
( X ) Gone sledding
( X ) Cheated while playing a game
( X ) Been lonely -- VERY.
( X ) Fallen asleep at work or school
( ) Used a fake id
( X ) Watched a sun set
( ) Felt an earthquake
( X ) Touched a snake
( X ) Slept beneath the stars
( X ) Been tickled
( X ) Been robbed
( X ) Been misunderstood
( ) Petted a reindeer/goat
( X ) Won a contest
( X ) Run a red light/stop sign
( X ) Been suspended from school
( X ) Been in a car accident
( ) Had braces
( X ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( X ) Had déja vu
( ) Danced in the moonlight
( X ) Liked the way you looked at least at one point in time
( X ) Witnessed a crime
( X ) Questioned your heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it notes
( ) Squished barefoot through the mud
( X ) Been lost
( ) Been on the opposite side of the country
( X ) Swam in the ocean
( X ) Felt like dying
( X ) Cried yourself to sleep
( X ) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons

( X ) Sung karaoke
( X ) Paid for a meal with only coins
( X ) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( X ) Made prank phone calls
( X ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( X ) Caught a snow flake on your tongue
( X ) Danced in the rain
( X ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe by your boy/girlfriend/spouse/stranger
( ) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
( X ) Blown bubbles
( X ) Made a bonfire on the beach
( X ) Crashed a party
( ) Gone roller skating
( ) Had a wish come true
( ) Worn pearls
( ) Jumped off a bridge
( ) Told a complete stranger that you loved them
( ) Kissed a mirror
( ) Sang in the shower
( X ) Had a dream you married someone
( ) Glued your hand to something
( X ) Got your tongue stuck to something
( ) Kissed a fish or a frog
( X ) Sat on a roof top
( X ) Screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) Did a one handed cart wheel
( X ) Talked on the phone for more the 6 hours
( X ) Stayed up all night
( X ) Did not take a shower for a week
( ) Pick and ate an apple right off the tree
( X ) Climbed a tree
( ) Had a tree house
( ) Are scared to watch scary movies alone
( X ) Believe in ghosts
( ) Have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( X ) Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others would say
( X ) Gone streaking
( X ) Gone dingdong ditching
( X ) Pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on
( ) Been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) Broken a bone
( X ) Been easily amused
( ) Caught a fish
( X ) Caught a butterfly
( X ) Laughed so hard you cried
( X ) Cried so hard you laughed
( ) Laughed so hard you pee your pants
( X ) Cheated on a test
( ) Have/had a Britney Spears CD
( X ) Forgotten some ones name
( ) French braided some ones hair
( X ) Been kissed by someone you didn't like
( ) Gone skinny dipping in a pool /lake
( X ) Been threatened to be kicked out of your house
( ) Been kicked out of your house
( ) Been pushed in the snow in shorts & a tank top or nude

i know this sounds status quo and over-the-top, but.

being dead would be so much more enthralling than being alive.

i like my sugar with coffee and cream.

yeah, so i lied. what's it to ya? i can't help but to post here. it's like, this addiction that i can never kick.

anyhow, went to jasons a bit last night and had a blast.

"Hey, you got any balls down there?"
"About the biggest pair you've ever seen, dingleberry!"

this week i make my way to wolf run to do some camping and reading with a friend of mine. i'm continually trying to quit smoking which has been throwing me for a loop lately.

work is about the same. there was massive back up in the system so i got called in on two of my vacation days. wonderous.

in other news, well, there is no other news. i might take a correspondence study so i can finish up the business classes i never completed.

oh! one last tidbit. i was at sound exchange and found a buy one get one free of manson. smells like children and lunchbox, both of which have been stolen from me twice. so, here goes number three.

well, i'm off. hopefully more later. oh, and i apologize for this shitty layout... i have yet to manipulate it.

They call me Mr. Knowitall
I will not compromise.
I will not be told what to do.
I shall not step aside.
They call me Mr. Knowitall
I have no time to waste.
My mouth it spews pure intellect.
And I've such elegant taste.
They call me Mr. Knowitall.
I sup the aged wine.
Oh I could tell such wonderous tales
if I should find the time.
I must be Mr. Knowitall
For ideas they come in bounds.
I am Mr. Knowitall
So spread the word around.
They call me Mr. Knowitall
I am so eloquent.
Perfection is my middle name
And whatever rhymes with eloquent.

FOR WILLY STYLES AND BRIAN "RED BULL" ETAPI

BRIAN - What long conversations we could have. Are you a coffee drinker? Jean-Paul Sarte fan? How about Locke? Kant? Emerson? What do you do on your spare time other than play the Thinker? Will you photocopy House of Leaves for me? From what Kelly tells me it's quite the sordid little tale. Willy wants to know (cause he's too afraid to ask you in person) how many jerseys you have. I take it quite a few? By the way, WHAT-ABOUT-DEM-BUFFALO-BILLS!!! Oh yeah, and finally... GOD BLESS TOM DELAY.

WILLY - The best dressed man in America. More rings than Liverache (sp?) except you have a wife and are far from homosexual. The jean jacket must get all the girls. You should shine those rhinestones up. Oh yeah, and the raised collar is BAD-ASS. Here's a little rhyme for you:

You keep quiet, day to day.
You keep your two cents, until you get paid.
You're cooler than Ross Perot,
Cause he's got all the money and never gets laid.

Alright, being that that made no sense whatsoever, I am going home.

i feel like drinking merlot and listening to 'in the hall of the mountain king'.

holy shit.
gross words per minute: 110 wpm.
net speed: 92 wpm

ah, wonderful shift bid.
hopefully i don't get put on nights, again. although, that wouldn't be too bad. considering every program works better during the evening. however, my days go really fast on dayshift. er. hm.

i took a book from worked called 'arsenic and red tape'. I hope it's good.

I totally forgot how wonderful it is to talk to her.

certian people try my patience with life. i'm beginning to think it's time just to start over. oh well.

in better news. I just earned 60 bux (wal-mart, but eh, you take what you can get). I'm going to by a carton of cigarettes and have a blast of a night.

i have a week, well, a week minus a day of vacation next week with nothing to do. oh, how ironic.

btw. kelly, I *WAS* offended by that. ;) GOD~!

links fo willy:

thehotspotfl.com/img/jacket.gif
http://www.zylstrahd.com/catalog/images/Jean%20Jacket%20w%20studs.jpg
http://www.copquest.com/45-5000.jpg - BIG MAN WITH A GUN
http://www.utterwonder.com/archives/images/jean-jacket-thumb.jpg
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0002XQKTA.16._AA260_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg
http://www.justkidsclothes.com/assets/Jean%20jacket_thumb.jpg
http://www.divapup.com/Jean%20jacket.jpg
http://www.bernat.com/data/pattern/image/image_1083.jpg


Willy if you don't look at any of these at least look at this one:

http://www.tributesabroad.co.uk/tributes/michael_nathan/billiejean_small.jpg